Musings........: March 2015

Sunday, 29 March 2015

Searching for kinare!!!

There is a pattern, a meaning, a truth to life. One never gets to find it without going on a voyage of self discovery - pushing every possibility for development, recongnising and then containing the losses, the wounds, the fears and anxieties, the conflicts that no one can avoid in life, until, by our own striving, we reach a safe harbour.
quote from a novel

khud hi To hain hum. Kinaare.
kaise honge kam. Kinaare
hain jahaan hain hum. Kinare.
khud hi To hain hum. Kinare.

We ourselves are. shores.
Then how can there be less shores.
Wherever we are, there are shores.
We ourselves are Shores.

auron se kya khud hi se
Poochh Lenge raahein
Yahin kahin maujon mein hi
Dhoondh Lenge hum

Why others, we'll ask ourselves only
about the path to follow
We'll find it here somewhere
in the waves only..

lyrics from the movie Queen

Both the quote and lyrics seem to say the same thing. We strive all our life for our safe harbour, our place in this world. Some of us pass this life in searching and never finding our place.Only the lucky few finds it.

The lyrics too tells about finding our banks but it adds another thought that bank is within ourselves. we shouldnt search for that safe bank in others but search it within ourselves!

Beautiful thought!

So am i searching for my kinara / safe harbour? Or should i say iam forever in the fringes of the life watching it pass by. so am i searching for one! i dont think so! i always felt that i am observing the life passing by than actually participating in the actual life.

So does that mean am i not living? is this real? or am i existing?

sometimes i end up with questions on life and existence! but end up with no great answers. we have philosophers quoting a lot on these topics. but i think we need to find our own answers. that is why i felt these lines resonate within me.

Khud hi hum doond lenge kinare!!!!

So i am still searching mine!!!!

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Discussion or Disturbance Continues......

I thought the furor over the banned documentary had died down. But looks like the issue about shaming our country is still continuing. Shoba De's column in TOI tried to show the real motivation of Udwin - there is nothing social concern but commercial reasons for her documentary. An email forward - an open letter to BBC daring them to make similar such documentaries on England's daughter or South Africa's daughter!

I do agree with these people on two points. (1) BBC documentary was for their trp ratings. Udwin was like any other documentary maker searching for good stories. Nirbhaya and the nation level protest that followed definitely gave her the fodder. No doubt about that! How come none of our tv channels thought about doing that! This is what i did mention earlier - our channels love talking issues to death instead of doing an objective investigation about underlying causes. (2) And the documentary need not be titled India's Daughter! It can be any other country's daughter! As the issue of sexual violence can be seen in so-called developed countries or third world countries! Nirbhaya is one story of such continuing violence.

Coming to the point about how this documentary is shaming our country! i doubt that! There is no need for any outsider to do that. We do it ourselves. One sitting in front of television or reading newspapers you would know what i am saying.

At the same time our country is not just about crimes. We have other good things happening which shows there is silver lining in these black cloud. Thousands of men who joined the protest march for nirbhaya is one example of that silver lining.

i came across a programme called Good News in Headlines Today! it started with an intro that TV news is not about bad news only. And they were showing positive news about the country. i was very happy to see something good on a news channel! otherwise it is always bad news only!

Coming back to the main issue which i started, the discussion seemed to have shifted focus! i thought this documentary might make us reflect on the core issue. our attitude towards women, not just by men but women themselves. About our society! One of my anthropological friend said that what else can we expect from patriarchal society! Patriarchy!

Patriarchy is defined as a social system in which: males hold primary power; males predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property; and, in the domain of the family, fathers or father-figures hold authority over women and children. (Online dictionary)

So are we patriarchal society? Yes it is predominantly patriarchal but it is not as if women are still relegated to kitchen. Women are progressing and taking part in different fields equal to men. The percentage is minimal but still it keeps growing.

But news about people attacking tv channel for the discussion on thaali or a writer being beaten for his novel are disheartening! Thaali sentiment has grown too much thanx to our movies! The same movies which was used to spread social awareness to remove the social evils in 60s is now used to spread regressive beliefs. If social reformer Periyar had been alive, what would he have done? Probably would have black painted such movies and kicked such men!

Movies' influence is all pervasive. Not one movie, we have many movies repeating such regressive sentiments. Naturally people will be influenced by it. Not just hindus, but in South India we have even Christians and Muslims wearing their version of thaali! (atleast the friends i have wear such things). And that ritual of removing thaali after husband's death is really sadistic in nature! And women seemed to do it themselves. If women come together and protest in uniform voice, most of our problems would be solved. We ourselves seem to follow these customs!

i remember my shock when i first heard a lady comment " i wear thaali only when i wear a saree". My middle class mentality influenced by movies was shocked. I saw those people as aliens. Later I realized thaali is just an accessory. i have seen women wearing all symbols of marriage behave in an immoral way. Thaali does not make you behave as a married man or woman. it is the person who does. By the way i have read that in anient tamil nadu, it was men who wore thaali, or should i say one version of thaali! So why so much fuss about an accessory? We love making ruckus!

I am rambling again! (i do that all the time!) Coming back to the issue of patriarchy, so was the protest against TV channel a patriarchal reaction? or attention seeking reaction? God and those group only knows!

But patriarchal society (which includes both men and women) tends to frown over such issues. So how do we deal with such reactions? We need to educate people and bring about the progressive ideas. How do we do that? The same media should take responsibility. But will they? Will it give them the trps? if so, then they might do it.

Parents should educate their children. Treat boy and girl equally. Make them respect each other. We need to have discussions on such sensitive issues not hide it because it brings shame to our country. We dont need outsiders showing mirrors. But we should start seeing it.

Instead of being indifferent to problems or hiding the issues we need to deal with it. One line i read in today's Hindu from Sudish Kamath review on NH10 impressed me.

'It would take multiple blows to the head to kill patriarchy. But as NH10 shows us, one
blow at a time'

(i shd check out the movie for this line atleast!)

So it should be a collective effort. And media which is responsible for most of the problems is also the solution. So discussion seemed to continue along with disturbances too!

One week it was the documentary, another wee mob attacking TV channels! Next week?? Let me wait for my newspaper to give the next 'sensational news'!!!!

Saturday, 7 March 2015

Happy Women's Day??????

March 8th is supposed to be Women's Day! i open my fb page to see one website offering cosmetics to celebrate womanhood! And the other one is displaying colorful dresses (suited for size zero and yours truly has number one added before that zero!!!!) for discount on the account of women's day! Is this what celebrating women about?

Business houses need excuse to sell their products. it could be women's day today, followed by mother's day and now evn father's day! As if you can celebrate those people only on that day! Still i am all for celebrating!

But after seeing the disturbing 'India's Daughter' i am finding such greetings very hypocritical and superficial! How safe is our country for women today! i have always thought safety is a very relative term. Nirbaya was one such normal lower middle class aspiring to be a doctor. Like any young woman she went out with her friend to see a movie. And look what happened to her! We did have people protesting when we came to know about the horrible crime. But was there a reduction in the crime? No! instead media seem to highlight more such crimes! So what is happening here? Why such crimes are still happening?

The documentary is very disturbing and makes me question about our society. The remorseless criminals, the backward thinking lawyers and women still conditioned by patriarchy are more upsetting! The issue is not restricted to the criminals of this one incident. There are many more who are free out there! And it is definitely not restricted to our country alone! But such incidents seem more common here in our country!
I used to think education would help people sensitize over such issues. But no these crimes are not restricted to uneducated people. Even educated elites seem to be part of it. So what is the root cause of the evil. The mind set of the patriarchal society needs to be changed. How will that change occur?
These questions need to be addressed. I see extreme reactions to the documentary and people worried about the shame of our country. I do agree that we don’t need a foreigner to show mirror about our society. But are we doing this self analysis? Earlier days I have seen wonderful documentaries in our news channels. Nowadays our news channels seem to love discussions and they seem to have their own elite group giving their ‘expert opinion’ on anything and everything. Nowadays we don’t get simple news but we only get arguments and counter arguments which are expertly edited to sensationalize. So when some outsider comes and talks about the issue, we need to look at the problem not shoot the messenger. There is no solution in hiding the problem under the carpet. This ostrich mentality will lead to more problems only.

When one lady in that film said, ‘how will a woman live without her husband in this society?’ I was disturbed. A young uneducated girl taught from childhood that she can have no life without her husband is what our society has taught us. And educated lawyers giving regressive comments about our culture are even worse. The documentary might use techniques to create maximum impact. But we should look at the underlying issue! After two and half years, what has happened? Were there any stringent punishments given for rapes? Will that deter the criminals? May be laws might help, but for that we need to wait for judicial action which might take ages.

What could a common man do to address this problem? First thing we should do is to change the mindset of male children to respect women. Let us teach our sons and brothers and friends that women are also fellow human beings who have the same rights as her male counterparts. If such changes start in homes, it will definitely create an impact.

We all need to collectively find a solution for this problem. Otherwise the future is going to be even more bleak! When other countries issue warning notice for travelling to India, I do feel upset. But when I see a tourist being sexually assaulted what response should we give. Instead of blaming others, we should look for solution. As a society we need to take responsibility and address the problem.

But will we????