Being lonely in a crowd!

My friend's article on Loneliness in Deccan Chronicle sent me off to a philosophical mode! she was talking about being lonely even with people around! Being alone and being lonely are two different things! i do know the difference! I do live alone but i dont always feel lonely! But at times even I am affected by loneliness! Close friends or family can be depended on to drive those blues away. Even otherwise i have my most dependable friend 'my books' to fall back.

But once in a while i do end up questioning the meaning of my life. i think most of us have such thoughts striking at us when we feel low. We get up rush to office, do our work sincerely and rush back home! Do house work, watch our favourite TV shows and then go to sleep! Then next day, same thing starts again!!! So why are we doing this again and again? Is there any reason for all these?

Does having a family make it more meaningful? i ask myself! i look at my people with children. Children - best of God's creation! they come with their own gifts and responsibilities. Parents need to work to care for their children, to give them physical comforts and emotional wellbeing. When a child comes running to you as soon as u come home, that happiness cannot be measured! But the monotony of daily house work and caring for children doesnt give you time to enjoy those small joys of children. I can see screaming parents who are bogged down with work, have no energy to spend extra time with their beautiful children. By the time they realize, children are grown up as teenage horrors who would make sure that they dont listen to their parents as they are now in their teenage. Now comes the hard phase of parenting.

In all these struggles children's academics and career create even more stress! So does having children makes your life more meaningful? When after all the trauma and trouble, children grow up and step out to try their freedom. Now parents, old and tired are alone again! If the parents are still a close couple, that will give them good support. If not, or if one person is not there anymore, then the other parent, is now single and alone! So now it is being old and alone!

So we are going to end up alone only! So why go through all the trouble? Ok that is called living! But is there a meanign for all this living - either alone or with family? i am still searching for the meaning!

Now i blame all this on my friend and her article!!! It is sunday evening and i am going to be afflicted with Monday Blues, and on top of that this confusing questions!!! 

My tryst with Uttama Villain!

Any kamal movie creates an excitement in tamilnadu and being a 90s generation i too was part of that excited crowd. Kamal's movie is a tradition in our household. (dad was not much of Rajini fan!) So when Uttama villain was released i was keen to watch it. knowing Ramesh Arvind was the director i was expecting a comedy. So when i heard mixed reviews about the movie i was confused. in fact reading Hindu review of the movie (i am a loyal reader of Hindu) disconcerted me! Though the critic did praise some elements of the movie, it read more negative in the end. And it was by a reputed critic. But surprisingly some of my friends who saw the movie had a different answer to give. In fact i liked one comment  - the review is what complicated not the movie!

Anyway i did go to the movie and i did see it. It was an interesting experience! should i use the word interesting? i wonder! The movie had its share of flaws. Let me first discuss them. The initial portion where we should be able to relate to the actor and its shocking news, didnt work out. there should have been more suitable scenes which would have made us connect with the actor and his angst. His reason for taking a movie like uttaman's was not given. Yes we do know its about a guy who is immortal. But that initial connect was missing. because of that lack, there was a disconnect in later sequences with that character and his family. But some of the later scenes did try to give that connect: father and daughter scene, father and son scene (i teared up!) and bro and sis bonding were a few.

In contrast i loved uttaman's story! there was much more completeness in that story. i dont agree with hindu review which felt that uttaman story didnt synch with the present. i wd say fault was with the present not the folklore. Uttaman as a chr was more believable and interesting! and it was interesting to see the story unfold. The movie within movie was interesting to watch. and what made it more interesting was the third aspect: it was like watching kamal's story within the movie. so it was story of kamal's within uttaman's and manoranjan's story! i felt a heaviness in my heart as if it was kamal's story being taken there.

That made me wonder why kamal took this movie. Irrespective of the director, it is kamal's movie all the way. What made kamal to choose this plot? His loved ones brush with death? His own immortality? Seeing death at close quarters, i have developed a genuine fear of my own mortality. That is why i could relate more to this movie! None of us want to die, though we do mouth dialogues against it. But fear of death is there in every one. each deals with it in his own way. but i would like to know what inspired kamal to take this concept!


that way UV is an experience indeed! But the movie had its regular cliches! Another major issue i had with this movie was other characters didnt have much role to play. but that also pandered to the concept and this is happening more in kamal's later movies. hope he realizes the danger of it. inspite of miniscule role few actors did make a mark: Nazer, in one of his wonderful portrayal, urvashi, in that minimal role, parvathy as daughter and that guy who acted as son and bhaskar as the secretary were impressive.

What a difference from the earlier movie i watched! Many people liked OKK for its fun loving plot and simple story line. But this movie can give multiple interpretations to different people. You look for parallels and metaphors! so many layers it has that it will take us more time to deconstruct! i do love feel good movies but once in a while i would like to analyse what i see and try to find the hidden meanings!

i would like to ask Mr.Kamalhaasan what inspired him to take this movie. Talks about mortality comes with age. My parents death made me conscious of such issues. But what made kamal to take a movie on this issue. was it the brush of death of his loved ones? what? Makes me wonder!!!

OK Kanmani!

I saw maniratnam movie after long time! i was not enthused to see neither Ravan or Kadal! OKK movie sounded promising creating nostalgic feeling about Alaipayudhe! All excited to relive the magic of maniratnam love stories (roja, mouna ragam, idayathai thirudathe all personal favourites) i booked it for second day. i even ventured to a single screen theatre (as multiplexes were full!) to see it before reading the reviews. If the review is not good, i will lose interest.

After all the excitement, movie was kind of anti climatic! No i am not saying it was bad. it was a feel good movie that caught the pulse of today's generation. After long i enjoyed the dialogues of Maniratnam movies. In fact people were clapping and enjoying the dialogues (who is the script writer?)

The director has caught the pulse of younger generation. Today younger people in love give importance to their careers too. it was nice seeing both male and female shown in similar thought process. For them falling in love is breezy and they dont have issues in exploring the relationship. And marriage is not the be - all and end - all, unlike earlier generations who believe marriage is a must for every one.

The hero is commitment phobic, typical of young guys. He works in animation industry, enjoys partying and not interested in marriage. The girl too has a good job, loves partying. when she likes a guy she does not hesitate to initiate. But her reasons for not wanting marriage is personal - her parents marital life.

the girl's chr and her change in feelings were shown better than the guy's. his change of heart was sudden and not very convincing. In reality, such guys would have gone ahead with their career and might have looked up at each other when they come back. or might have got married to other people. that is the reality. after all the initial argument for live-in relationship, the director seemed to have toed the line and made them get married. that was like pandering to the masses. But showing them going off to their own career might not have suit the rom comedy genre. so may be the film needed this ending.

though the lead actors were good, the girl was electric, i loved the older couple. their love and caring were more interesting. i wd have loved to see how the couple manage the alzheimer disease. that relationship was more poetic without being preachy.

i remembered earlier movie Pizza! in that lead couple will be living together. When the girl gets pregnant, for baby's sake, they decide to get married. and the marriage is not calling people and making fuss. but just exchange of rings! and it was treated casually which is how it is being treated nowadays. i somehow felt that was more real than this candy floss romance.

Talking about live in relationship and arguing for it - may be the director is telling parents what they should be expecting from their children. may be now parents of children who are living away from home will now have doubts.

such relationships are happenign in reality. so now we have movies talking about it. That is a good thing!

But coming back to the movie, OKK is a good feel good movie but has no depth or does not create any impact. Alaipayudhe had much more heart! Songs were good but are they as good as his other movies. i liked the carnatic song, thara sings. But still it was nice seeing Maniratnam back in form. 

Searching for kinare!!!

There is a pattern, a meaning, a truth to life. One never gets to find it without going on a voyage of self discovery - pushing every possibility for development, recongnising and then containing the losses, the wounds, the fears and anxieties, the conflicts that no one can avoid in life, until, by our own striving, we reach a safe harbour.
                                                                                                   quote from a novel

khud hi To hain hum. Kinaare.
kaise honge kam. Kinaare
hain jahaan hain hum. Kinare.
khud hi To hain hum. Kinare.

We ourselves are. shores.
Then how can there be less shores.
Wherever we are, there are shores.
We ourselves are Shores.

auron se kya khud hi se
Poochh Lenge raahein
Yahin kahin maujon mein hi
Dhoondh Lenge hum

Why others, we'll ask ourselves only
about the path to follow
We'll find it here somewhere
in the waves only.. 

                                                              lyrics from the movie Queen

Both the quote and lyrics seem to say the same thing. We strive all our life for our safe harbour, our place in this world. Some of us pass this life in searching and never finding our place.Only the lucky few finds it. 

The lyrics too tells about finding our banks but it adds another thought that bank is within ourselves. we shouldnt search for that safe bank in others but search it within ourselves! 

Beautiful thought! 

So am i searching for my kinara / safe harbour? Or should i say iam forever in the fringes of the life watching it pass by. so am i searching for one! i dont think so! i always felt that i am observing the life passing by than actually participating in the actual life. 

So does that mean am i not living? is this real? or am i existing? 

sometimes i end up with questions on life and existence! but end up with no great answers. we have philosophers quoting a lot on these topics. but i think we need to find our own answers. that is why i felt these lines resonate within me. 

Khud hi hum doond lenge kinare!!!!

So i am still searching mine!!!!

 

khud hi To hain hum. Kinaare.
kaise honge kam. Kinaare
hain jahaan hain hum. Kinare.
khud hi To hain hum. Kinare.

We ourselves are. shores.
Then how can there be less shores.
Wherever we are, there are shores.
We ourselves are Shores.

auron se kya khud hi se
Poochh Lenge raahein
Yahin kahin maujon mein hi
Dhoondh Lenge hum

Why others, we'll ask ourselves only
about the path to follow
We'll find it here somewhere
in the waves only.. - See more at: http://www.bollymeaning.com/2014/02/kinaare-kinare-lyrics-translation-queen.html#sthash.V13wwOnH.dpuf

khud hi To hain hum. Kinaare.
kaise honge kam. Kinaare
hain jahaan hain hum. Kinare.
khud hi To hain hum. Kinare.

We ourselves are. shores.
Then how can there be less shores.
Wherever we are, there are shores.
We ourselves are Shores.

auron se kya khud hi se
Poochh Lenge raahein
Yahin kahin maujon mein hi
Dhoondh Lenge hum

Why others, we'll ask ourselves only
about the path to follow
We'll find it here somewhere
in the waves only.. - See more at: http://www.bollymeaning.com/2014/02/kinaare-kinare-lyrics-translation-queen.html#sthash.V13wwOnH.dpuf

khud hi To hain hum. Kinaare.
kaise honge kam. Kinaare
hain jahaan hain hum. Kinare.
khud hi To hain hum. Kinare.

We ourselves are. shores.
Then how can there be less shores.
Wherever we are, there are shores.
We ourselves are Shores.

auron se kya khud hi se
Poochh Lenge raahein
Yahin kahin maujon mein hi
Dhoondh Lenge hum

Why others, we'll ask ourselves only
about the path to follow
We'll find it here somewhere
in the waves only.. - See more at: http://www.bollymeaning.com/2014/02/kinaare-kinare-lyrics-translation-queen.html#sthash.V13wwOnH.dpuf

khud hi To hain hum. Kinaare.
kaise honge kam. Kinaare
hain jahaan hain hum. Kinare.
khud hi To hain hum. Kinare.

We ourselves are. shores.
Then how can there be less shores.
Wherever we are, there are shores.
We ourselves are Shores.

auron se kya khud hi se
Poochh Lenge raahein
Yahin kahin maujon mein hi
Dhoondh Lenge hum

Why others, we'll ask ourselves only
about the path to follow
We'll find it here somewhere
in the waves only.. - See more at: http://www.bollymeaning.com/2014/02/kinaare-kinare-lyrics-translation-queen.html#sthash.V13wwOnH.dpuf

Discussion or Disturbance Continues......

I thought the furor over the banned documentary had died down. But looks like the issue about shaming our country is still continuing. Shoba De's column in TOI tried to show the real motivation of Udwin - there is nothing social concern but commercial reasons for her documentary. An email forward - an open letter to BBC daring them to make similar such documentaries on England's daughter or South Africa's daughter!

I do agree with these people on two points. (1) BBC documentary was for their trp ratings. Udwin was like any other documentary maker searching for good stories. Nirbhaya and the nation level protest that followed definitely gave her the fodder. No doubt about that! How come none of our tv channels thought about doing that! This is what i did mention earlier - our channels love talking issues to death instead of doing an objective investigation about underlying causes. (2) And the documentary need not be titled India's Daughter! It can be any other country's daughter! As the issue of sexual violence can be seen in so-called developed countries or third world countries! Nirbhaya is one story of such continuing violence.

Coming to the point about how this documentary is shaming our country! i doubt that! There is no need for any outsider to do that. We do it ourselves. One sitting in front of television or reading newspapers you would know what i am saying.

At the same time our country is not just about crimes. We have other good things happening which shows there is silver lining in these black cloud. Thousands of men who joined the protest march for nirbhaya is one example of that silver lining.

i came across a programme called Good News in Headlines Today! it started with an intro that TV news is not about bad news only. And they were showing positive news about the country. i was very happy to see something good on a news channel! otherwise it is always bad news only!

Coming back to the main issue which i started, the discussion seemed to have shifted focus! i thought this documentary might make us reflect on the core issue. our attitude towards women, not just by men but women themselves. About our society! One of my anthropological friend said that what else can we expect from patriarchal society! Patriarchy! 

Patriarchy is defined as a social system in which: males hold primary power; males predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property; and, in the domain of the family, fathers or father-figures hold authority over women and children. (Online dictionary)

So are we patriarchal society? Yes it is predominantly patriarchal but it is not as if women are still relegated to kitchen. Women are progressing and taking part in different fields equal to men. The percentage is minimal but still it keeps growing. 

But news about people attacking tv channel for the discussion on thaali or a writer being beaten for his novel are disheartening! Thaali sentiment has grown too much thanx to our movies! The same movies which was used to spread social awareness to remove the social evils in 60s is now used to spread regressive beliefs. If social reformer Periyar had been alive, what would he have done? Probably would have black painted such movies and kicked such men!

Movies' influence is all pervasive. Not one movie, we have many movies repeating such regressive sentiments. Naturally people will be influenced by it. Not just hindus, but in South India we have even Christians and Muslims wearing their version of thaali! (atleast the friends i have wear such things). And that ritual of removing thaali after husband's death is really sadistic in nature! And women seemed to do it themselves. If women come together and protest in uniform voice, most of our problems would be solved. We ourselves seem to follow these customs! 

i remember my shock when i first  heard a lady comment " i wear thaali only when i wear a saree". My middle class mentality influenced by movies was shocked. I saw those people as aliens. Later I realized thaali is just an accessory. i have seen women wearing all symbols of marriage behave in an immoral way. Thaali does not make you behave as a married man or woman. it is the person who does. By the way i have read that in anient tamil nadu, it was men who wore thaali, or should i say one version of thaali! So why so much fuss about an accessory? We love making ruckus! 

I am rambling again! (i do that all the time!) Coming back to the issue of patriarchy, so was the protest against TV channel a patriarchal reaction? or attention seeking reaction? God and those group only knows! 

But patriarchal society (which includes both men and women) tends to frown over such issues. So how do we deal with such reactions? We need to educate people and bring about the progressive ideas. How do we do that? The same media should take responsibility. But will they? Will it give them the trps? if so, then they might do it.

Parents should educate their children. Treat boy and girl equally. Make them respect each other. We need to have discussions on such sensitive issues not hide it because it brings shame to our country. We dont need outsiders showing mirrors. But we should start seeing it. 
 
Instead of being indifferent to problems or hiding the issues we need to deal with it. One line i read in today's Hindu from Sudish Kamath review on NH10 impressed me.

                 'It would take multiple blows to the head to kill patriarchy. But as NH10 shows us, one    
                 blow at a time'

(i shd check out the movie for this line atleast!)

So it should be a collective effort. And media which is responsible for most of the problems is also the solution. So discussion seemed to continue along with disturbances too!

One week it was the documentary, another wee mob attacking TV channels! Next week?? Let me wait for my newspaper to give the next 'sensational news'!!!!

Happy Women's Day??????

March 8th is supposed to be Women's Day! i open my fb page to see one website offering cosmetics to celebrate womanhood! And the other one is displaying colorful dresses (suited for size zero and yours truly has number one added before that zero!!!!) for discount on the account of women's day! Is this what celebrating women about?

Business houses need excuse to sell their products. it could be women's day today, followed by mother's day and now evn father's day! As if you can celebrate those people only on that day! Still i am all for celebrating!

But after seeing the disturbing 'India's Daughter' i am finding such greetings very hypocritical and superficial! How safe is our country for women today! i have always thought safety is a very relative term. Nirbaya was one such normal lower middle class aspiring to be a doctor. Like any young woman she went out with her friend to see a  movie. And look what happened to her! We did have people protesting when we came to know about the horrible crime. But was there a reduction in the crime? No! instead media seem to highlight more such crimes! So what is happening here? Why such crimes are still happening?

The documentary is very disturbing and makes me question about our society. The remorseless criminals, the backward thinking lawyers and women still conditioned by patriarchy are more upsetting! The issue is not restricted to the criminals of this one incident. There are many more who are free out there! And it is definitely not restricted to our country alone! But such incidents seem more common here in our country!
I used to think education would help people sensitize over such issues. But no these crimes are not restricted to uneducated people. Even educated elites seem to be part of it. So what is the root cause of the evil. The mind set of the patriarchal society needs to be changed. How will that change occur?
These questions need to be addressed. I see extreme reactions to the documentary and people worried about the shame of our country. I do agree that we don’t need a foreigner to show mirror about our society. But are we doing this self analysis? Earlier days I have seen wonderful documentaries in our news channels. Nowadays our news channels seem to love discussions and they seem to have their own elite group giving their ‘expert opinion’ on anything and everything. Nowadays we don’t get simple news but we only get arguments and counter arguments which are expertly edited to sensationalize. So when some outsider comes and talks about the issue, we need to look at the problem not shoot the messenger. There is no solution in hiding the problem under the carpet. This ostrich mentality will lead to more problems only.

When one lady in that film said, ‘how will a woman live without her husband in this society?’ I was disturbed.  A young uneducated girl taught from childhood that she can have no life without her husband is what our society has taught us. And educated lawyers giving regressive comments about our culture are even worse. The documentary might use techniques to create maximum impact. But we should look at the underlying issue! After two and half years, what has happened? Were there any stringent punishments given for rapes? Will that deter the criminals? May be laws might help, but for that we need to wait for judicial action which might take ages.

What could a common man do to address this problem? First thing we should do is to change the mindset of male children to respect women. Let us teach our sons and brothers and friends that women are also fellow human beings who have the same rights as her male counterparts. If such changes start in homes, it will definitely create an impact.

We all need to collectively find a solution for this problem. Otherwise the future is going to be even more bleak! When other countries issue warning notice for travelling to India, I do feel upset. But when I see a tourist being sexually assaulted what response should we give. Instead of blaming others, we should look for solution. As a society we need to take responsibility and address the problem.

 But will we????

Nostalgia!

When I was searching for my brother's gift I came across DVDs of old TV shows. It brought back all my childhood nostalgia. Udaan which inspired me to write civil services (i din't clear evn the prelims is a separate story), Fauji, which made me fall in love with army officials, zabaan sambal ke got me  interested in languages, nukkad, made me relook at street dwellers and even buniyaad which got me involved with the family's trials n travails! we had interesting sitcoms like Yeh jo hai zindagi or sarabhai v sarabhai which could give a serious competition to english sitcoms. 

Not just hindi shows, even tamil had interesting line ups with film directors like balachander taking interesting stories or picturisation of sivasanakari's novel. I think we evn had good novels taken as serials. In English we had Different strokes, Yes Minister (what a show!), Barbapapa (did i get the name right?), He Man, powers of the Universe, or how could i forget Sandakon (Kabir Bedi in Italian production!!!) another one action show Nightrider????

But there were varieties! and we didnt have them for years. we had limited episode shows. i think the  longest was for 52 episodes i think. and we didnt have daily shows. Only Buniyaad had twice a week, the rest were weekly shows. But i remember following each story religiously and get inspired by the lead roles. we laughed and cried with them.

So when i came across the old ones, i went crazy and ended up buying dvds for more than Rs.2000/- (dont ever shop online in latenights! that is when you will go crazy and blow your money!) But i was all excited to get back my childhood nostalgic memories. Money worth spending! So when my dvds came i was all set to see them in a marathon. No, i cant finish it at one go. it has to be treasured.

So i started with a easytowatch tamil sitcom called 'Vanna kolangal' by S.V.Shekar. this was again part of my childhood sundays. i remember sitting in front of tv on sunday mornings (with mom shouting for not doing housework evn on sundays! no one bothered. we were used to my mom's bg voice) waiting for the show to start.

After watching a few episodes, i found that the jokes were not that funny and i could see other drawbacks not just the story. still i told myself, this is 20 years back, so there might be flaws but let me watch it for the humour. The stories were humorous but one thing i found was it was outdated. For example one story spoke about going to dubai. Though cheats are there evn today, the fascination towards working in middle east has gone down. but still foreign jobs fascination is still there. the humor was not the same. Did i grow up? or is the story not really relevant today?

Next i watched katha sagar. For the people who dont know what it is: this was a collection of short stories taken from world popular writers like chekov, o henry and contextualised to indian context and it was directed by Shyam Benegal. You cant get bigger director than him.

i watched one story by Munro. To my surprise i enjoyed it evn more than my childhood days. it was about an old man getting cheated by a guy who says he lost his way. (which has happened to me in real life too) i think timeless classics are timeless indeed. they stand the test of time!

i dont know how will i react to my other dvds but i am keen to know it myself. Have i outgrown it or have they stood the passage of time!!!

But i seriously wish we get such good tv shows today. we had just one national and one metro channel but we had such variety programmes. today we have 100s of channels but same programmes in every channel. same old stories! only way for our tv shows to get back their early glory is to first limit the number of episodes. No year long shows! then quality could come back!

My nostalgic memory shopping gave me mixed feelings! Still i have some more videos to check out! keeping fingers crossed!